Vietnamese traditional family values

Vietnamese traditional family values 
By Ton Nu Luong Trinh Traditional values of Vietnamese lifestyle were deeply affected by Confucian ethics. During thousand years the Chinese invaded and maintained control Vietnam, Vietnamese culture was permeated by their Confucian philosophical beliefs. This philosophy based for the existence of and extended family structure through 2,000 years of Vietnamese history (Lam). It was believed that: ..."in order to achieve human perfection, one must follow the established codes of behavior of Confucianism which include reverence for ancestors and respect for elders...The importance is not upon the individual's accomplishments but upon his duty to family and society" (Muzny).
The Vietnamese household traditionally followed the extended multi-generational pattern. The parents, their sons and their wives, their children, and unmarried siblings usually constituted a Vietnamese household. In this structure, frequent contacts were maintained, and this constant closeness to family was emphasized from childhood and continued to be important to Vietnamese throughout their lifetime (Lynell).
"Most Vietnamese placed more emphasis on their roles, privileges and obligations within this group than on their own individual desires"(Muzny). In this extended family, the most important expectation was respect for the elders. The family decisions were made by the parents and grandparents. The traditional Vietnamese worshipped ancestors as a source of their lives, fortunes, and civilization. The spirits were honored on various holidays and the anniversary of their death (Tran).
For centuries in Vietnam, traditional family values were accomplished by the fulfillment of traditional roles: the role of man and woman as parents. Vietnamese valued their traditional ideal of male superiority. Since the highest status in Vietnamese families is given to the man (father), he had absolute authority in the household. His position as provider for the family was unchallenged. Because he provided the main source of income for the household, he was never expected to work in the kitchen or to cook. After work he returned home and relaxed. As a head of household he had the final decision in all matters, although he might consult his wife or children. In her report, Phung cited that the father, however, had the duty to exercise restraint and wisdom in running his family in order to deserve his respected position. Having a boy in family was a "must" because the eldest son would assume the duties of his father when he died. A family which had no son to continue the process was superstitiously thought to have disappeared forever.
In a patriarchal society, Vietnamese woman had limited rights and took a secondary place in family. Women were brought up according to a strict discipline, and have been traditionally less educated than men. They usually do not enter the job market outside the home. "Girls from birth were at a disadvantage". Daughter is not considered necessary in heritage. According to Lam, Vietnamese traditional viewpoint was "If you have a son, you can say you have a descendent. But you cannot say so even if you have ten daughters".
After marriage, woman became housewife and mother. She was expected to be dependent upon her husband, budgeted his income for the household, took care of children and even grandchildren, performed all household tasks. According to Muzny, divorce was legal but not common. A wife can be unhappy in her marriage; but rather than accepts divorce, the family encouraged her to sacrifice and to endure the difficulties of the marriage for the sake of her children.
Women work at home Parental role in family was to define the law. Obedience and respect were the traditional virtues which Vietnamese children were taught to exhibit in the family. Discipline and physical punishment were acceptable remedies for disobedience in the Vietnamese tradition. "Harsh discipline and beatings did not constitute abuse of a child, but its reverse: loving care, concern and attention" (Breeman). When parents grew old, children were expected to take care of them to compensate for the gift of birth and upbringing. The elderly (parents) were supported by married or unmarried children until they die (John).
"Boys and girls are not free to do what they want. Girls are under strict supervision" (John). Western style courtship and romance were seen as inappropriate for unmarried children. "Virginity is cherished. Pregnancy out of wedlock is uncommon, and it is a grave disgrace to the family" (Muzny). For their children's marriage, parents generally made decision because they could judge better. Vietnamese parents had a high regard for education. It was considered a way for family advancement. Parents encouraged their children to study and excel in their education. Vietnamese placed a higher value on education rather than on material success. In brief, "Depending upon the family for financial support, requesting permissions for expenditures, and having parents make decisions for them characterized the traditional Vietnamese child" .

The Teacher in old Vietnam

The Teacher in old Vietnam 
By Do Thi Nga 
On April 16, 1985, Therese K. Dozier, in a solemn ceremony at the White House, received her Teacher of the Year award from the President of the United States. It happened that this outstanding teacher was a half-blooded Vietnamese. The Vietnamese community took pride of the distinctive honor and most Vietnamese magazines in the area have run the news on their front page.
It was no surprise to those people who were aware of the long tradition in Vietnam where the Teacher was only second to the King in the social hierarchy, and thus, placed above the Father. This hierarchy, like many other aspects of the social organization, has been inherited from the Chinese, as a result of a lengthy domination. In our old society, that is before French colonization, Vietnamese culture was deeply influenced by the Chinese culture, to the point that we did not have our own writing characters. Students learned from books written by Chinese philosophers. Their mind and behavior were shaped after the teachings of these masters.
The Teacher in old Vietnam exerted a large authority upon his students, who usually lived in his house. Because of this way of life, the student was good at everything to the teacher's family; he was a housekeeper, a messenger, a servant, ... a baby sitter before became a true and trustful disciple. this system of education, somewhat similar to the tutorial method of our present time, was widely used, due to lack of public schools.


The Teacher demanded that the students put blind faith in his teachings. He did not bear that they refute his words, if someone tried to think for himself, he would be severely punished, having to wear light clothes in the winter or to eat coarse vegetable soup or meals. It was not unusual that corporal sanctions were inflicted on recalcitrant students.
But, not all teachers reined such strict discipline. The wise ones won respect by mystification. They did not want to make them into phonograph records. Instead, they recognized their errors and frankly praised their students when they were right.
However, formal or informal, authoritative or not, our teachers of the old time, known as "Thay Co", did not aim at forming a generation of researchers, scientists. Their objective was to make their students into government officials, mandarins, or even rulers. To this end, the student should become a morally complete man, possessing wisdom, bravery, well versed in courtesy and poise, able to govern himself, his family, before getting to govern others (tu tha^n, te^` gia, tri. quo^'c, bi`nh thie^n ha.). He had to behave like a "qua^n tu+?", a gentleman, if we can say so, with all qualities such as: humanity, good relationship, ritual, knowledge and loyalty (nha^n, nghia~, le^~, tri', ti'n).
With the coming of the French colonialists, the Teacher in Vietnam had lost much of his authority and prestige. Still, he was well respected by his students. The impact of Western civilization opened large horizons to his knowledge. He was no more a passive slave of the archaic Chinese concepts about education. Trained in foreign countries, mainly in France, he became the new guide on the "learning journey", assuming new responsibilities in setting the goal, establishing the limits of the trip and determining the way to be taken.


To perform his duties, the Teacher was allowed to practice corporal sanctions, to the extent that they would not cause serious injuries to the students. Unruly students could be subject to a variety of bodily punishments ranging from battling with rattan stick to kneeling on the floor, through more lenient penalties like pinching the ear-lobes until they nearly bleed or hitting the joined finger-tips with a ruler.
Such treatment is completely banned in western countries, especially in the United States where students are well protected in every point of view. At his first contact with the American students, the oriental teacher might have been shocked and offended by their apparently impolite attitude: no salute at all when they come across their teacher, or if there is a salutation, it is with a single, shot "Hey", instead of the traditional hand-clasping with a bow and respectful greeting words, and with hat off.
We must admit that although corporal punishments may seem cruel in some cases, they brought good results in bringing the disturbers into discipline. And few were the teachers who were to resort to these extreme measures.
On the contrary, students who were successful in life, were deeply grateful to their teachers who have devoted their time and efforts to contributing to their success.
Teaching is a hard and extremely complex mission, so complex that one cannot see it in complete fullness. Whatever its true nature, teaching remains a noble career, and the teacher, a respectable instructor, at the same time, a counselor, a model, a confidant and a friend.

Non-verbal communication

Non-verbal communication 
By Huynh Dinh Te As in most cultures, non-verbal communication plays an important role in Vietnamese society, sometimes to accompany and reinforce linguistic symbols, sometimes as a substitute for words.
In a previous article, it was pointed out that respect is the cornerstone of interpersonal relationships in Vietnamese society. Respect is conveyed by the use of special terms of address and certain stylistic devices. But respect is also expressed by nonverbal behavior. A Vietnamese student who sits quietly and listens attentively to the teacher wants to express respect to his teacher. This behavior has often been misinterpreted by the American teacher as passivity and non-responsiveness. It is also out of respect that the Vietnamese student avoids eye contact with the teacher when speaking or being spoken to. By American standards, a person acting in this way would appear suspicious, unreliable, or mischievous. In Vietnamese culture, however, looking into somebody's eyes, especially when this person is of a higher status (in age or in social or family hierarchy) or of a different gender, usually means a challenge or an expression of deep passion. The proper respectful behavior is to avoid eye contact in talking who is not an equal or the same sex.
The smile, which is sometimes enigmatic to the American observer, is another nonverbal symbol conveying the feeling of respect in Vietnamese culture. It is used as an expression of apology for a minor offense, for example for being tardy to class, or as an expression of embarrassment when committing an innocent blunder. For the Vietnamese, the smile is a proper response in most situations in which verbal expression is not needed or not appropriate. It is used as a substitute for "I'm sorry", "Thank you" or "Hi!" It is used instead of a ready yes to avoid appearing over-enthusiastic. A smile is also a proper response to scolding or harsh words that one does not harbor any ill feelings toward the interlocutor or that one sincerely acknowledges the mistake or fault committed.
It should be noted that for certain feelings, Vietnamese culture prefers non-verbal communication while American culture is more inclined to use verbal expression. For casual and informal circumstances, feelings of thankfulness or apology are not expressed by verbal expression such as "thank you" or "I'm sorry" but by non verbal, silence or a smile. Parents and teachers never say thanks to their students for a small service, such as closing the window or passing the books around. A smile will do in this case. The person who gives a compliment never expects a "thank you" in return. In Vietnamese culture, a verbal expression of thanks in this case amounts to a lack of modesty from the person who receives the compliment.
A smile or a blush in the face is the proper response to a compliment. If a verbal response is necessary, one would deny the compliment, saying that one does not deserve it. Because of difference in the mediums used to express the feelings of appreciation or apology in the two cultures, misunderstandings have occurred.
The Meaning of Some Patterns of Vietnamese Non-verbal Communication
.

Nonverbal Patterns	Meaning in Vietnamese Culture
Nodding	Greeting; affirmative reply; agreement.
Shaking one's head	Negative reply; disagreement.
Bowing	Greeting; great respect.
Touching child's head	Not appreciated, but not offensive.
Avoiding eye contact.	Showing respect to people senior in age or status or of the opposite sex.
Winking.	Not decent, especially when directed at people of the opposite sex.
Frowning	Showing frustration. anger. or worry.
Pouting.	Disdain.
Smiling.	Agreement; embarrassment; disbelief; mild disagreement; appreciation; apology.
Shaking hands.	Friendly greeting between men (but not the elderly); not customary between women or between a man and a woman; acceptable between a Vietnamese woman and non-Vietnamese man.
Palm of right hand out, fingers moving up and down several times.	"Come here." Not used to people senior in age or status.
Middle finger crossing over forefinger or forefinger crossing over middle finger with the other fingers closed over the palm.	Obscene gesture.
Middle finger pointing, other fingers closed.	No meaning.
Thumb down, other fingers closed.	No meaning.
Thumb upright, other fingers closed.	No meaning.
Forefinger and top of thumb meet to form circle, other fingers upright.	"Zero." Poor quality.
Palm of right hand facing oneself, forefinger crooked and moving back and forth.	Offensive to adults; threatening to children.
Holding hands with or putting an arm over the shoulder of a person of the same sex.	Friendly gesture, no sexual connotation
Holding hands with or putting an arm over the shoulder of a person of the opposite sex.	Not usually done in public.
Crossing arms.	Sign of respect.
Placing one or both hands in the pockets or on the hips while talking.	Arrogance, lack of respect.
Patting a person's back, especially those senior in age or status.	Disrespect.
Pointing to other people while talking.	Disrespect, threatening.
Whistling at performers.	Displeasure.
Putting one's feet on a table or sitting on a desk while talking.	Rude.

Social relationships

Social relationships 
By Huynh Dinh Te The desire to achieve harmony between the self and the non-self remains an essential preoccupation of the Vietnamese in interpersonal relations outside the family group. The basic principles underlying family relationships is extended to the relationships between members of wider social groups. The concept of society as an extension of the family is evident in the transposition into social usage of a language originally intended for domeslic life. Vietnamese uses more than a score of kinship terms as personal pronouns. The choice of the appropriate word depends on the relative age, social status, gender, degree of acquaintance, respect, and affection between speakers and hearers who are not related to each other by blood or marriage.
In Vietnamese society, the predominant sentiment in the relation between members of a social group is respect. This is particularly evident in the attitude towards older people. Respect and consideration for old age no doubt derive from the obligation of filial piety that requires young people to respect and love their parents and parent-like members of the family. Vietnamese also recognize that a long life is a sign of kindness and regard on the part of the deity for virtuous people, and that the elders are the carriers of tradition and the embodiment of knowledge and wisdom. Old people enjoy high respect in Vietnamese society, irrespective of wealth, education, or social positinn. This respecl is expressed in both attitude and hehavior, particularly in the use of speicla terms of address and stylistic devices. Unlike Western societies that put a premium on youth, Vietnamese society is proud of its old members. Age is an asset, not a liability.
Teachers, even though they are young, enjoy great respect and prestige in Vietnamese society. In Vietnam the student-teacher relationship retains much of the quality of a son's respect for his father's wisdom and of father's concern for his son's welfare. The respect that students show to the teachers is also evident in linguistic behavior. The terms of address that students use in speaking to their teachers are the same as those they use in speaking to their parents.
Respect is expressed in the form of courtesy and in the effort to spare others from the humiliation of losing face. Face is extremely important for the Vietnamese. The individual who loses face will have to endure public ridicule and derision in the midst of his community. Furthermore, the family shares any social disgrace incurred by the individual.
Linguistic devices are one of the many ways that allow the Vietnamese speaker to save face and at the same time allow others to save face. Depreciatory terms are applied to oneself and complimentary terms are used for others. Ihe practice of "beating about the bush" to avoid answering a request in the negative, and the tendency of the Vietnamese student to say yes to questions asked by his teacher stem from this preoccupation with saving face.
"You and I" in Vietnamese
In America, people put emphasis on friendliness in interpersonal relationships while in Vietnamese society the emphasis is more on respect. We may say without fear of error that respect is the cornerstone of interpersonal relationship in Vietnamese society, whether in the family or in social circles, whether on the employment scene or between friends and lovers. This is reflected in the language used by Vietnamese in their daily life.
In making an utterance, Vietnamese simultaneously expresses ideas and concepts and an attitude of respect (or disrespect) towards the hearer. This expression is natural because it is inherent in the nature of the words used, and generally neither the speaker nor the hearer are conscious of it. But, if the speaker unintentionally (or purposedly) uses a word reflecting an attitude of disrespect, the hearer will instantly realize it and react to it accordingly.
American people use only word, the word yes, to express agreement and this word is neutral as to respect or disrspect. Of course, an answer with the mere word yes lacks the courtesy conveyed by a longer answer such as "Yes, I am"; "Yes, he did"; or "Yes, Mr. Brown". On the contrary, the Vietnamese speaker must choose between Da., Va^ng, Pha?i to express agreement. No well-bred Vietnamese would use ¯ as an answer in talking to his parents, older people, his teacher, his superior, or monks and priests. In Vietnamese, other people invite us to xo+i ("eat rice" or "take a meal"), but in replying, we must say that we have already or not yet æn (eat) and not xo+i. How complicated it is!
The difference between the linguistic behavior of American and Vietnamese people can be seen in the use of personal names. In writing a letter to a person who is not known, to ask for information or to apply for a job, example, Arnericans will usually use the term Dear followed by the person name (the last name, it should be noted); this shows courtesy and friendliness. Vietnamese people, by contrast, use only terms expressing respect such as kính, kínb tbÜa . . and never address the person by name, for this would convey an impolite, disrespectful attitude. Conseguently, "Dear Mr. Brown" is not "O^ng Brown than men" but simply "Thua o^ng" or "Kinh o^ng" ("respected gentleman").
In American society where almost nobody knows anybody else, even people living in the same apartment complex, mentioning the name of the interlocutor shows that one is interested in and friendly toward him/her, the evidence of which is to be found in the remembering of his/her name. Consequentiy to show that they are courteous and friendly, American people usually mention the name of the interlocutor in their greetings. (i.e. "good morning, Mr. Brown" or "good-bye, Miss Green" when speaking to people who are not close friends, and "good morning, Bill" or "goodbbye, Susie" when speaking to friends. In Vietnamese society, almost everybody knows the name of everybody else living in the same community. The neighbors (called "la'ng gie^`ng") are often considered as friends or relatives. In greeting, speakers avoid mentioning the name of the interlocutors, especially those who are senior in age or status
. They are called by name only when they are close friends or junior in age or status. It is easy to imagine the cultural misunderstandings that might arise from first encounters between Vietnamese and Americans.
In Vietnamese, special respect is conveyed by using function-words for respect when addressing persons such as parents, old people, teachers. monks and priests, and superiors. The verbal response begins with a function-word such as "da.", "thu+a", "da. tbu+a", "ki'nh tbu+a". Therefore the word "da.", often translated as yes, is actually a function-word showing respect and does not necessarily indicate agreement.
Personal pronouns are a word class in Vietnamese which best reflects this preoccupation with expressing respect or disrespect for other people in language. American people have one word for you to address parents, brothers and sisters, wife and children, friends and foes, and even animals. Likewise, they have only the word I (or its inflected form me) to refer to themselves when speaking. How converlient it is! But at the same time those words lack the ability to express feelings of respect or disrespect of tee Vietnames personal pronouns. People who are senior in age or status are usually referred towith such term of respect as cu., o^ng, ba'c, chu', anh, tha^`y, cha, ba`, co^. People younger than the speaker, or who have a lower status, are usually addressed or referred to with the terms anh, chi., chu', em, cha'u, con. To show anger and disdain, the terms ma`y, mi... might be used, and fawning is shown by the use of nga`i or cu. Io+'n.
By observing the use of the terms of respect in Vietnamese, people can guess, to a certain extent, the personality and good manners of the speaker as well as the relationship between speaker and hearer. The use of these words which function as personal pronouns is a very delicate matter that depends on the speaker correctly assessing the relative age, status, and degree of intimacy between speaker and hearer. A man and a woman, at their first acquaintance, will call each other o^ng and to^i (or co^ and to^i). But as the degree of intimacy reaches the level of love, the term o^ng is replaced by anh and the term tp^i will become em. When love is lost, they will revert to the initial ông and tôi. In some cases where anger, hatred, and lack of self-control prevail, o^ng may become ma`y and to^i may become tao. The terms anh/em and ma`y/tao are separated by a Great Wall of feelings and emotions.
Terms of address such as bác, cbú, and anh are perhaps the most difficult to use in Vietnamese because they can express opposing feelings and sentiments. According to the context, they may express respect or disdain, familiarity or contempt. Perhaps they are much more difficult to use than the French words tu/toi which also can express either intimacy or contempt. When we address a stranger tu/toi, the only feeling conveyed is obviously contempt. But a Vietnamese addressing a stranger as bác may mean respect (considering him on the same footing as our father's elder brother), familiarity and affection (regarding him as his uncle), or outright contempt (looking down on him as having a low social status).
The expression of respect (or contempt) is inherent in the structure of Vietnamese. In using Vietnamese, we cannot overlook this essential feature of Vietnamese culture which is the expression of respect in language.

The Vietnamese Value System

The Vietnamese Value System 
By Huynh Dinh Te The Vietnamese value system is based on four basic tenets: allegiance to the family, yearning for a good name, love of learning, and respect for other people. These tenets are closely interrelated.
Allegiance to the family
The most important factor in the value system of the Vietnamese is, no doubt, the family. The family is the center of the Vietnamese common man's preoccupation and the backbone of Vietnamese society. By virtue of the principle of collective and mutual responsibility, each individual strives to be the pride of his family.
Misconduct of an individual is blamed not only on himself, but also on his parents, siblings, relatives, and ancestors. Likewise, any success or fame achieved by an individual brings honor and pride to all members of his family. The Vietnamese child is taught from early childhood to readily forget himself for the sake of his family's welfare and harmony. Central to the concept of family is the obligation of filial piety which is considered the most essential of all virtues in Vietnamese society. The child is expected to be grateful to his parents for the debt of birth, rearing and education. He is taught to to think of his parents and ancestors first, even at his own expense, to make sacrifices for his parents' sake, to love and care for them in their old age. The Vietnamese man who lacks filial piety is looked down upon and ostracized not only by his own family but also by the community.
The profound love for and attachment to the family is extended to the physical setting in which the family is located: the native village. The dearest wish of the Vietnamese common man is, as a proverb puts it, to die in his own native village and amidst his own folk "as a leaf which leaves the branch to fall down on the ground at the foot of the tree" (lá røng vŠ ci). The native village is not only the place where he was born and brought up and where his parents and family live but also a place where his ancestors are buried. Many Vietnamese, especially people in the rural areas, never move out of their native villages or provinces. This deep attachment to the native village explains the lack of horizontal mobility in Vietnamese society.
Concept of "good name"
The value that the Vietnamese placed on the concept of "good name," or more precisely "fragrant name" (danh thÖm), cannot be underestimated. To the Vietnamese, a good name is better than any material possession in this world. By securing a good name for himself, a man can command respect and admiration from his fellow countrymen. A rich and powerful person with a bad reputation is looked down upon, while a poor man with a good name is respected. It is believed that the best thing that a man can leave behind once he has departed from this world and by which he will be remembered is a good reputation. "After death, a tiger leaves behind his skin, a man his reputation," says a proverb. The desire to have a good name, not only in his life time but also after death, betrays the deep aspiration of the Vietnamese to survive the disintegration of his corporeal frame after death in the memory of his progeny and community.
A man with a bad name will be disclaimed by his fellow countrymen and become a disgrace to his family. He will lose face, which is a terrible thing in an immobile society where almost everybody knows everybody else in the community. To acquire a good name, a man must avoid all words and actions which damage his dignity and honor. There are three ways by which he can acquire a good name: either by heroic deeds; by intellectual achievements; or by moral virtues. Leading a virtuous life is the easiest and surest path to a good name for there are few opportunities in our everyday life to be heroic and few people are endowed with exceptional intellectual qualities. The virtues most cultivated are the sense of honor, honesty, righteousness, modesty, generosity, and disdain for material gains, virtues most extolled by the Confucian doctrine. In view of the strong solidarity of the Vietnamese family, it is not surprising to know that the Vietnamese strives for a good name not only for himself but also for his parents and children.
Love of learning
The Vietnamese common man seems to have a great love for knowledge and learning. He seems to have particular respect and admiration for learned people. Like the virtuous man, the learned man enjoys great prestige in Vietnamese society. Often, they are the one and same man. The Vietnamese conceives that knowledge and virtues are but the two complementary aspects of the ideal man.
Memorial of ancient scholars in Hanoi 

People associated with knowledge and learning (scholars, writers and teachers) have always been highly respected, not only by the students but also by parents and people from all walks of life.
Learning is considered more valuable than wealth and material success. Rich people who are not educated are often looked down upon by other people and they themselves feel inferior to learned people who are poor. In the traditional social system the scholar ranked first, before the farmer, artisan, and tradesman. Even nowadays, the learned man is held in high esteem and respect. The love of learning does not spring from purely disinterested motives. The lure of prestige and the prospect of improved social status are among the strongest incentives to the pursuit of knowledge. Education represents the essential stepping stones to the social ladder and to good job opportunities . It is the prime force of vertical mobility in Vietnamese society. 
Concept of respect
The Vietnamese common man is expected to show respect to people who are senior to him in age, status, or position. At home, he should show respect to his parents, older siblings, and older relatives. This is expressed by obedience in words and action. Respect is part of the concept of filial piety.
Outside the family, respect should be paid to elderly people, teachers, clergymen, supervisors and employers, and people in high positions. Learned and virtuous people enjoy special respect and admiration. But respect is not a one-way behavior. The Vietnamese common man also expects other people to show respect to him, by virtue of his age, status, or position. Special respect is gained by leading a virtuous life, by accomplishing certain heroic deeds or by achieving a high degree of intellectuality.
Respect is expressed by specific behaviors and linguistic devices inherent in the Vietnamese language. It is one of the essential factors in the value system of the Vietnamese people.

Family relationships

Family relationships
By Huynh Dinh Te Family structure
The family is the basic instituation in society; it perpetuates society and protects the individual. Generally speaking, Vietnamese family structure is more complex than that of the American family, which is essentially nuclear in nature and which excludes relatives and in-laws. In the Vietnamese family roles are more numerous and more fined than in its American counterpart.
Vietnamese people distinguish between the immediate family (ti‹u gia-Ḉnh) and the extended family (Çåi gia-Ḉnh). The Vietnamese immediate family includes not only the husband, wife, and their unmarried children, but but also the husband's parents and the sons' wives and children, The extended family consists of the immediate family and close relatiVes who share the same family name and ancestors and who live in the same community.
The complexity of the Vietnamese concept oF family is reflected in the rather complex terminology designating kinship. Each member of the extended family has a particular designation according to his/her relative position and his/her role in the family structure. People are often referred to by the kinship term rather than by given name.
In Vietnamese society, the father is the head of the family. However, unlike the father in traditional Chinese society, who is empowered, at least theoretically, with absolute rights over his children and wife, the Vietnamese father shares with his wife and children collective and bilateral responsibility, legally, morally, and spiritually.
In the relationship between parents and chilren, as well as between husband and wife, the Vietnamese people retain much of their own custom and tradition, despite the great influence of Chinese culture and Confucian doctrine. In the eyes of the children, the Vietnamese mother has the same status as the father. She is also the embodiment of love and the spirit of self-denial and sacrifice.
Parent-child relationship
Vietnamese parents consider it a most important responsibility to train their children. By virtue of the principle of collective responsibility, the parents will bear the disgrace brought about by the activities of children who dishonor themselves just as they share the honor and fame of their virtuous and talented children.

Mother and child, silk painting 
At an early age, children are taught by their parents to behave according to the principle of filial piety. The family is the school in which the child learns the respect rules in both behavior and linguistic response. Filial piety consists of loving, respecting, and obeying one's parents. Talking back or acting contrary to the wishes of one's parents is evidence of lack of filial piety. For the Vietnamese, the obligation to obey his parents does not end with coming of age or marriage. Filial piety also means solicitude and support to one's parents, chiefly in their old age. Vietnamese elderly people never live by themselves or in nursing homes but with one of their children, usually their eldest son. This obligation is not discontinued by the parents' death. It survives in the form of ancestral cult and the maintenance of ancestral tombs. Ancestor worship is practised in most, if not all, Vietnamese homes even in the homes of Viettnamese people living overseas.
The child who lacks filial piety is rejected and ostracized by other members of the family and comnlunity. The worst insult which a Vietnamese can receive and by which he is deeply wounded is the ex- pression "lack filial piety" (con bat hieu).
Sibling relationships
In Vietnamese culture, the relationship between siblings is determined by the principle of seniority, which requires younger siblings to respect and obey older ones. The eldest brother is entrusted with a heavy responsibility that of substituting for the parents in case of emergency. He is considered by his siblings as their leader. Concord and love among siblings is a token of happy and virtuous family.
Attitude towards relatives
As with members of the immediate family, members of the extended family are boud together by a strong sense of collective responsibility and mutual obligation. The notion of blood relalionship is always present in the mind of the Vietnamese. In honor or in disgrace, members of the extended family will share the same fate as if they were members of the immediate family. They are expected to give one another moral and material assistance, especially in time of stress. On the social and political planes, this strong sense of loyalty to the extended family tends to encourage the spirit of sectarianism and nepotism.
The notion of family ties is imprinted in the mind of the Vietnamese because of the importance of filial piety. Respect and love are demanded of young people to members of the parental generation and above. Uncles and aunts must be treated with respect as if they were one's own parents. In addition to the consciousness of blood relationships and the linguistic ties that reinforce kinship relationships and age seniority, members of the Vietnamese extended family are closely bound by the common veneration of the dead. Ancestor worship is a hyphen between the dead and the living and a strong tie between members sharing the same ancestry. Through such rites as the cleaning of the ancestral tombs (täo-m) and celebration of ancestral death anniversaries (ngày gi‡), which all members of the extended family are expected to attend, the ties which bind the Vietnamese to other members of his family are reinforced.
In the last decades the Vietnamese family insitution has been attacked on all fronts. The Western doctrine of individualism advocated the liberation of the individual from the encroachment of the family upon his personal freedom. Under the communist regime, the state replaced parents in the filial piety relationship, and children were taught to spy on their own parents and report to the Party any subversive talk or behavior. The war devastated the countryside and brought people to the cities where narrow spaces were not suitable to the pattern of the extended family. Since 1975, with the communist takeover of the whole country and the tragic exodus of the Vietnamese people throughout the world to search for freedom, the Vietnamese family has become increasingly broken and separated by distance. Husbands and wives, fathers and sons, mothers and daughters live thousands and thousands of miles apart. But despite of all this, deep family feelings and ties are still strong and the Vietnamese family concept still survives through time and change.

What's in a name

What's in a name
By De Tran Every year, when the new San Jose telephone book arrives, I check to see how many De Trans are listed. This year there are six. A quick search on the World Wide Web turned up 27 other De Trans listed somewhere in the United States. Colorado, Florida, Oklahoma, Nevada and Washington listed one each; Louisiana, Massachusetts, New York and Virginia boasted two. California, not surprisingly, leads with 14 De Trans. Not bad for a name I acquired by accident.
My name actually is Tran Thanh Do. But when our family came to the United States, officials misspelled it as Tran Thanh De.
Still, De is a good name. It's versatile. De is a preposition in French and Spanish. And De is "Ed" spelled backward. In fact, De Tran spelled backward is Ed Nart. The American immigration history is replete with misspelled names. My friend, Timothy Patrick Goodman, said immigration officials botched it so badly that his grandfather was given the surname Goodman when he arrived to New York City around the turn of the century. And that, he said, was how a freckled-faced, red-haired Irish lad-"Opie" to his friends-inherited a Jewish last name.
Living in a new country involves more than just adapting to a new environment. a new language, a new culture. It also involves having one's name altered, mis-pronounced. It sometimes means dropping the accent marks that accompanied one name since birth.
German names lose their umlauts; Latinos drop their tildes; Chinese, Japanese and Koreans change their names to conform with English phonetics. Vietnamese eliminate their accent marks.
Sometimes, the very order of one's name is reversed.
I My current name, for example, would be Tran De in Vietnam. In the United States, after much confusion, almost all Vietnamese immigrants adapt the Western standard by putting their surname last and their given name first. Many also drop their middle name to cut down on potential misspellings.
That was how the already-modified Tran Thanh De became De Tran. At least six De Trans in Santa Clara County had the same idea. Once I applied for loan and freaked out when the TRW credit reported that I owed Emporium Capwell $10,000. It was another De Tran.
Tran is a common Vietnamese last name, much more prevalent than Smith or Garcia in the United States. But Tran is nothing compared to Nguyen-by far the most dominant surname. Nguyen is to Vietnamese last names what Microsoft is to the computing world. The Nguyens occupy seven page in the San Jose phone book.
While the following analysis is not exactly scientific, it offers a picture of the dominance of Nguyens, the No. 1 surname of homeowners in Santa Clara County. Take the current numbers of Nguyens, Smiths and Garcias in the San Jose phone book, compare them to the 1990 census, and this is what you get: The Nguyens would make up 6.5 percent of the Vietnamese-American population in San Jose and Santa Clara, while Smiths would only comprise 0.2 percent of whites and Garcias 0.4 percent of Latinos. And that doesn't even take into account the higher average household density of Vietnamese families.
The original boundaries of Vietnam included the northern part of today's Vietnam. A warlord named Nguyen Hoang conquered what is now southern Vietnam. Many of the Nguyens were the descendants of Nguyen Hoang, said Nguyen Van Dai, a San Francisco poet. King Bao Dai, Vietnam's last emperor, was a descendant of Nguyen Hoang, Dai said. In old Vietnamese society, Dai said, if someone contributed to the court, the emperor allowed that person to adopt the royal last name, a practice much like being knighted.
There ale other historical reasons for the prevalence of the Nguyen name. During the Tran Dynasty in the 11th to 13th centuries, many of the families of the prior dynasty courtesans - the Lys - changed their name to Nguyen to avoid persecution.
Writer Nguyen Qui Duc recalled in an interview that one Vietnamese New Year he was in Singapore where there are few Vietnamese residents. Homesick, he called up all the Nguyens in the Singaporean directory and wished them a happy new year.
Duc, too, recalled the time he was living in Sacramento. He was surprised to find that some of Vietnamese there had first names like Francisco and Juan. It turned out that they were advised to pick an American names when they became naturalized. They decided to choose the names of their American neighbors, who were mostly Latinos.
In polyglot America, perhaps names like Francisco Tran or Daniel Nguyen or Timothy Patrick Goodman won't seem odd at all. Perhaps one day, they'll be as American as apple pie-or at least apple strudel.

Attitude toward the self

Attitude toward the self
By Huynh Dinh TeStatus of the individual
Despite his concern for a certain amount of individuality, the Vietnamese is not an individualist. In Vietnamese culture the interest and destiny of an individual are rarely conceptualized outside the framework of the immediate and extended families. Anything a Vietnamese does, he does out of consideration for the welfare of the family, rather than for himself alone.
As an individual, the Vietnamese endeavors to live in harmony with himself as well as with the outer world of humanity and nature. Harmony with oneself is achieved by the acceptance of life and the world. To the Vietnamese, life is the most precious property to which no material possession can be compared. As a proverb puts it, "a man alive is worth more than a pile of golf." The preservation of the self is not only a personal responsibility but also the responsibility of an individual toward his family. 'This recognition of the importance of the physical self distinguishes the mentality of the Vietnamese from the Hindu, which is characterized chiefly by the importance given to the world of the spirit, often carried to the extreme of despising and considering as irrelevant any material aspect of life.
Harmony with oneself is achieved by observing moderation and by avoiding extremes. The reason for seeking moderation in food and drink is not only physical safety but also for the moral imperative to keep one's dignity unimpaired. Moderation and caution in speech constitutes a distinctive feature of Vietnamese culture. Since childhood, the Vietnamese is taught to think deeply before opening his mouth, and, in the words of a well-known proverb, "to open his mouth only when asked to and to answer only when beckoned to." This attitude is in part prompted by the belief that wise and talented people are modest in action and speech. Bragging reflects and empty soul. Moderation and caution in speech are also motivated by an awareness of the danger that verbal excess can bring by creating discord and animosity. It is commonly believed that hasty words and slips of tongue are as devastating as hasty actions and bad deeds. Because of this cultural predisposition, the Vietnamese often appear to be reserved, non-responsive, or non-assertive by American standards.
This is particularly true of the behavior of Vietnamese children in school, where they rarely volunteer an answer for fear of making mistake and losing face, or of appearing to behave in boastful way. They would rather wait until called upon by the teacher to give an answer, for since early childhood, they have been taught to talk only when talked to and to answer only when asked to.
Certain virtues seem to have a greater appeal to the Vietnamese than the others. Most conspicuous are moderation, modesty, moral probity and self-control, qualities which make him a refined, well-mannered person. The term of criticism that the Vietnamese fears most is ill-bred (Ç̉ mĂt dåy), which deals a serious blow not only to the ego but also to the honor of his family, and by extension, to filial piety.
Naming system
Other than the physical self, perhaps the thing that most confers identity to a person is his/her name. (In his own country, the Vietnamese does not have a social security number.) The naming system of the Vietnamese is different from that of Americans and most other Asian peoples.
What's your Name? A Study in Cultural Differences
What's your last name? This simple question, so easy for most foreigners who speak some English, is for the Vietnamese, even those who speak English fluently, a question to which a right answer is difficult to give. The difficulty does not lie in the meaning of the term name but in the use of name that is different in American and Vietnamese societies. American people who are familiar with Vietnamese habits and customs epitomize the difference in the following statement: "They put the names in the wrong order, the last name written first and the first name last." This, however, is not the whole story. The best way to bring out the difference is, perhaps, to describe how names are used in Vietnamese society.
A Vietnamese name for example NguyÍn Væn Hai, usually consists of three parts occurring in the following order: family name (NguyÍn), middle name (Væn), and given name (Hai). Some people do not have, or omit, middle names. Others have two-part given names, written as two words, that results in the appearance of four component parts.
Generally speaking, a Vietnamese family name does not have any meaning, at least its meaning is no longer apparent to the common people. Unlike Americans, Vietnamese are never known by their family names alone. A Vietnamese is always called by his/her given name. His/her family name appears only in full name, but never in isolation. There are a few exceptions to this general practice, however, and these are motivated by political reasons. Ho Chi Minh was known as President Ho (or Uncle Ho) and Ngo Dinh Diem was called President Ngo because their followers wanted to sort them out from the rest of the nation and elevate them to the status of divine ruler. Calling them by given names would be a mark of irreverence amounting to sacrilege. (In the old days, only the King was referred to by his dynasty name. Referring to a King by his given name was punishable by imprisonment or even death.)
There are about one hundred family names for the whole population estimated at about 69 million, but only a core of these names are of frequent occurrence: Nguyen, Le, Tran, Pham, Phan, Truong and so on. This may in part explain why Vietnamese are not called by their family names; there are too many with the same name. Some family names are indicative of the ethnicity of the bearers (Chinese, Cham, Cambodian, Hmong); others may have different spellings and pronunciation as Vo vs. Vu, and Hoang vs. Hùynh, the result of the practice of euphemism.
Given names usually have a meaning and parents often choose for their children names that reflect their aspirations and ideals. There can be as many given names as there are words in Vietnamese language. Some of the common names are words denoting qualities and virtues (Trung-fidelity, Hung-courage, Liem-integrity); the seasons (Xuan-spring, Thu-autumn); flowers (Hong-rose, Lan-orchid); fruits (Nho-grape, Le-pear), or natural phenomena and celestial bodies (Tuyet-snow, Van-cloud, Nguyet-moon). Girl's names are frequently chosen from words denoting virtues, things that are beautiful, sweet, fragrant, or melodious. Any name can be used for boys or girls, although some names are more typical of one than the other. In general, a given name consists Of one word, but it is becoming more common to give girls a two-word name (or compound name) like Thu-Hong, Bich-Hong, Cam-Hong, Thuy-Hong instead of the single word Hong. Boy may sometimes take a two-word name but this tends to be less common.
After marriage a Vietnamese woman still keeps her own name and never combines her name with that of her husband. Thus a woman whose name is Nguyen Thi Thu Hong married to a man whose name is Tran Van Tam will be called Mrs. Nguyen Thi Thu Hong and not Tran Thi Thu Hong or Tam Thi Thu Hong. She may be called Mrs. Tran Van Tam, but most often her papers bear the name Mrs. Nguyen Thi Thu Hong.
The Vietnamese given name, when preceded by a term of address like Mr., Mrs., Dr., or Rev., is practically an equivalent to the American last name. The given name used by itself is somewhat similar to the American first name. However, in Vietnamese society, given names, especially names of those higher in social status, age or rank in the extended family, have a certain "taboo" quality. When talking to a person who is not a close friend, Vietnamese people tend to avoid mentioning his name. This practice is also transferred to their interactions with American people. Even when they speak English, they tend to avoid mentioning the name of the interlocutor, especially if that person is their teacher or boss. In Vietnamese society, it is a great insult to mention a person's mother's or father's given name. Because of this "taboo" quality, names are carefully chosen for newborns to avoid the names of one's parents ancestors, relatives. and close friends.
Vietnamese middle names are used for various purposes. They are used to differentiate a man's name from a women's name since there are practically no names that are exclusively masculine or feminine. The common middle name for women is Thi, or less commonly, Nu. So, Nguyen Van Hai is a man and NguyÍn Thi Hai is a woman. There is, however, a tendency among the younger generation to drop the ThÎ from their names, thus eliminating the indicator of gender. Middle names for men are more varied. Some of the most common are Van, D́nh, Huu, Duc, and Trong. Middle names can also serve to differentiate one branch of a family from another. In this case, the same middle name is shared by all those members who share a common ancestor. In other cases, the middle name indicates the generation level; all those who share the same generation have the same middle name. In yet other cases, the middle name serves to reinforce, qualify, or make the given name more meaningful; for example, NguyÍn Danh, whose given name means "good reputation," might have the middle name Luu, making the name mean "leaving a good reputation." A recent trend, no doubt influenced by foreign practices is to use the mother's family name as a middle name, but this is not very common.
Because names are used differently in American and Vietnamese societies, the Vietnamese will face a dilemma in answering the simple question, "What is your last name?" Should a Vietnamese whose name is Nguyen Van Hai tell his American friends that his last name is Hai or Nguyen? If he says that his last (by inference, his family name) is Hai, he is not telling the truth because Hai is his given name. He is right, however, in the sense that people will call him Mr. Hai as he has always been called by his fellow countrymen. But how can he explain that his father's last name is not Hai and his children's last name are not Hai, either? If he says his last name is Nguyen, he is telling the truth, in that it is his family name, but he is not right, in that people will call him Mr. Nguyen and not Mr. Hai. Moreover, his name will be rewritten as Hai Van Nguyen, which is as strange to him as the name of somebody unknown him. The advantage in this case is that he will have the same name as his father and his children. With American names, it is usually easy to distinguish the first from the last name. John Smith and Smith John can only be one and the same person. This is not the case with Vietnamese names. Ha Van Mai and Mai Van Ha are two different persons. By reversing the order of the different parts of a Vietnamese name, we may change a person's name into that of another completely unknown to him.
Vietnamese is tone language and the tones are represented in writing by various diacritic marks that are not used in English. In written files, different names like Nguye^~n Va(n Tuye^n, Nguye^~n Va(n Tuye^`n, Nguye^~n Va(n Tuye^'n, Nguye^~n Va(n Tuye^?n, and so on, are usually written exactly the same way. Therefore it is not possible to tell who is who, and confusion of identity and embarrassment may arise. Vietnamese are making efforts to learn new things and new ways of behavior in their new country, including the practice of reversing the order of their names, recognizing a name written without any diacritic marks, and adjusting to being addressed by their family names.
A study of Vietnamese names would not be complete if we did not mention the way in which names are given to members of the former royal family. (The last King, Bao Dai, abdicated in 1945 at the time of the August Revolution to become citizen Nguyen Vinh Thuy.) The name of the royal family is Nguyen. The founder of the dynasty is NguyÍn Phuc Anh, known as King Gia-Long. His successor, Minh-Mang, devised a way to give names to members of the family to distinguish them from the common people. Those who are not direct descendants of the King will be known as Ton-That (for men) and Ton-Nu (for women). Those who are direct descendants will be given a name taken from a poem written by Minh-Mang himself to reflect the generation to which they belong:
MIEN HUONG UNG BUU VINH
BAO QUI DINH LONG TUONG
HIEN NANG KHAM KE THUAT
THE THOAI QUOC GIA XUONG
The first word in this poem, which consists of four lines with five words in each, became the middle name of the first generation of Minh-Mang's descendants; the second became the name of the second generation, and so on. Minh-Mang envisioned that the Nguyen family would reign for at least twenty generations. Unfortunately, it lasted for only five generations after Minh-Mang. The name of King Bao Dai is Nguyen Phuc Vinh Thuy. Vinh is the fifth word in the poem written by Minh-Mang. (Today in Vietnam it is possible to find people bearing the name Vinh as their middle, or generation, name; they represent the eighth generation since Minh-Mang.) The names taken from Minh-Mang's poem are actually middle names but members of the royal family use them as if they were family names. They simply leave off the family name Nguyen. For women, members of each generation also receive a special name to distinguish them from other generations, such as Cong Ton Nu, Cong Huyen Ton Nu, Công Tang Ton Nu, and so on. This practice still goes on even though there is no longer a king Vietnam.

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We Will Rock You - Five

We Will Rock You - Five

Buddy you're a boy
Make a big noise playin' in the street
Gonna be a big man some day
You got blood on your face, big disgrace
Kicking your can all over the place
(Singing)

We will, we will rock you (ha ha)
We will, we will rock you (C'mon)

Keep the beat up, why, I'm gonna turn your heat up
Gonna get you on the floor, gonna burn your feet up
Rockin' you, like I've never rocked you before
Like the way I do, got your screaming for more
We're causin' utter devastation
When we're stepping to the place
And better believe that you can see
We're gonna rock and never stop
And here we go again
Hit you with the flow again
Kick it up the second time around
We'll bring it on again - shout it out

We will, we will rock you (we're gonna rock, we're gonna rock ya baby!)
We will, we will rock you (we're gonna rock, we gonna rock, we gonna rock ya)
We will, we will rock you (we're gonna rock, we're gonna rock ya baby!)

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,

Ah!

Buddy you're an old man, poor man pleading with your eyes
Gonna make you something some day
You got mud on your face, big disgrace
Somebody better put you back in your place
(Singing)

We will, we will rock you (we're gonna rock, we're gonna rock ya baby!)
We will, we will rock you (we're gonna rock ya)
We will, we will rock you (we're gonna rock, we're gonna rock ya baby!)
We will, we will rock you (yeah, yeah)
We will, we will rock you (yeah, yeah)
We will, we will rock you (yeah, yeah)
We will, we will rock you (yeah, yeah)
We will, we will rock you
We will, we will rock you
We will, we will rock you
We will, we will rock you

All Out Of Love - Air Supply

All Out Of Love - Air Supply

Im lying alone with my head on the phone
Thinking of you till it hurts
I know you hurt too but what else can we do
Tormented and torn apart

I wish I could carry your smile in my heart
For times when my life seems so low
It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring
When today doesnt really know, doesnt really know

(chorus)
Im all out of love, Im so lost without you
I know you were right, believing for so long
Im all out of love, what am I without you
I cant be too late to say I was so wrong

I want you to come back and carry me home
Away from these long, lonely nights
Im reaching for you, are you feeling it too?
Does the feeling seem oh, so right?

And what would you say if I called on you now
And said that I cant hold on?
Theres no easy way, it gets harder each day
Please love me or Ill be gone, Ill be gone

(chorus)
Ooh, what are you thinking of
What are you thinking of
What are you thinking of
What are you thinking of
(repeat chorus) 

Never Forget You - Mariah Carey

Never Forget You - Mariah Carey

I won’t see your smile
And I won’t hear you
Laugh anymore
Every night
I won’t see you
Walk through that door

‘cause time wasn’t on
Your side
It isn’t right
I can’t say I love you
It’s too late to
Tell you
Bit I really need
You to know

Oh baby

No, I’ll never forget you
I’ll never let you out of my heart
You will always be here with me
I’ll hold on to the memories baby

Baby, can you hear me
Wherever you
May be tonight, oh
Are you near me
I need you to be by
My side

‘cause I never said ‘goodbye’
It isn’t right
I should have said
I love you
Why didn’t I just
Tell you
God knows I need
You to know

No, I’ll never forget you
I’ll never let you out of my heart
You will always be here with me
I’ll hold on to the memories baby

Yeah
Somewhere I know you’ll be
With me
Someday in another time
But right now you’re gone
You just vanished away
But I’ll never leave
You behind

No, I’ll never forget you
I’ll never let you out of my heart
You will always be here with me
I’ll hold on to the memories baby

I Swear - All 4 One

I Swear - All 4 One

i swear by the the moon
and the stars in the sky
and i swear like the
shadow that's by your side
i see the questions in your eyes
i know what's waiting on your mind

you can be sure i know my part
'cause i stand beside you through the years
you'll only cry those happy tears
and though i make mistakes
i'll never break your heart
and i swear by the moon
and the stars in the sky i'll be there
i swear like the shadow that's by your side
i'll be there for better or worse
till death do us part
i'll love you with every beat of my heart
and i swear

i'll give you every thing i can
i'll build your dreams with these two hands
we'll hang some memories on the wall
and when (and when) just the two of us are there
you won't have to ask if i still care
'cause as the time changes the page
my love won't ever age at all

and i swear (i swear) by the moon
and the stars in the sky i'll be there (i'll be there)
i swear (and i swear) like the shadow that's by your side
i'll be there (i'll be there) for better or worse
till death do us part i'll love you
with every single beat of my heart and i swear

and i swear (i swear) by the moon
and the stars in the sky i'll be there (i'll be there)
i swear (and i swear) like the shadow that's by your side
i'll be there (i'll be there)
for better or worse (better or worse)
till death do us part i'll love you
with every single beat of my heart
i swear i swear i swear

All I Wanna Do - Sheryl Crow

All I Wanna Do - Sheryl Crow

Hit it!
This ain't no disco
It ain't no country club either
This is LA!
"All I wanna do is have a little fun before I die,"
Says the man next to me out of nowhere
It's apropos
Of nothing

He says his name's William but I'm sure,
He's Bill or Billy or Mac or Buddy
And he's plain ugly to me
And I wonder if he's ever had a day of fun in his whole
life
We are drinking beer at noon on Tuesday
In a bar that faces a giant car wash
The good people of the world are washing their cars
On their lunch break, hosing and scrubbing
As best they can in skirts in suits

They drive their shiny Datsuns and Buicks
Back to the phone company, the record store too
Well, they're nothing like Billy and me, cause

[Chorus]
All I wanna do is have some fun
I got a feeling I'm not the only one
All I wanna do is have some fun
I got a feeling I'm not the only one
All I wanna do is have some fun
Until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard

I like a good beer buzz early in the morning
And Billy likes to peel the labels
From his bottles of Bud
He shreds them on the bar
Then he lights every match in an oversized pack
Letting each one burn down to his thick fingers
before blowing and cursing them out
And he's watching the bottles of Bud as they spin on
the floor

And a happy couple enters the bar
Dangerously close to one another
The bartender looks up from his want ads

[Chorus]

Otherwise the bar is ours,
The day and the night and the car wash too
The matches and the Buds and the clean and dirty
cars
The sun and the moon but

[Chorus]

If I Ain't Got You - Alicia Keys

If I Ain't Got You - Alicia Keys

Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power yeah
Some people live just to play the game
Some people think that the physical things
Define what's within
And I've been there before
But that life's a bore
So full of the superficial

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

Some people search for a fountain
The promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that's the only way to prove you love them

Hand me a world on a silver platter
And what good would it be?
With no one to share, with no one who truly cares for me

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, you, you

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

If I ain't got you with me baby
Nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing
If I ain't got you with me baby

When you say nothing at all - Ronan Keating

When you say nothing at all - Ronan Keating

It's amazing'
How you can speak'
Right to my heart'
Without saying a word,'
You can light up the dark'

Try as I may'
I could never explain'
What I hear when'
You don't say a thing'
'
[CHORUS:]'
The smile on your face'
Lets me know'
That you need me'
There's a truth'
In your eyes'
Saying you'll never leave me'
The touch of your hand says'
You'll catch me'
Whenever I fall'
You say it best'
When you say'
Nothing at all'
'
All day long'
I can hear people'
Talking out loud'
But when you hold me near'
You drown out the crowd'
(The crowd)'
Try as they may'
They could never define'
What's been said'
Between your'
Heart and mine'
'
[Repeat chorus twice]'
'
(You say it best'
When you say'
Nothing at all'
You say it best'
When you say'
Nothing at all)'
'
The smile on your face'
The truth in your eyes'
The touch of your hand'
Let's me know'
That you need me'
'
[Repeat chorus]'
'
(You say it best'
When you say'
Nothing at all'
You say it best'
When you say'
Nothing at all)'
'
The smile on your face'
The truth in your eyes'
The touch of your hand'
Let's me know'
That you need me'
'
(You say it best'
When you say'
Nothing at all'
You say it best'
When you say'
Nothing at all)

Let's Get It Started - The Black Eyed Peas

Let's Get It Started - The Black Eyed Peas

Let's Get It Started, in here...
And the base keep runnin' runnin', and runnin' runnin', and
runnin' runnin', and runnin' runnin', and
runnin' runnin', and runnin' runnin', and runnin' runnin', and
runnin' runnin', and...

In this context, there's no disrespect, so, when I bust my
rhyme, you break your necks.
We got five minutes for us to disconnect, from all intellect
collect the rhythm effect.
Obstacles are inefficient, follow your intuition, free your
inner soul and break away from tradition.
Coz when we beat out, girl it's pullin without.
You wouldn't believe how we wow shit out.
Burn it till it's burned out.
Turn it till it's turned out.
Act up from north, west, east, south.

[Chorus:]
Everybody, everybody, let's get into it.
Get stupid.
Get it started, get it started, get it started.
Let's get it started (ha), let's get it started in here.
Let's get it started (ha), let's get it started in here.
Let's get it started (ha), let's get it started in here.
Let's get it started (ha), let's get it started in here.
Yeah.

Lose control, of body and soul.
Don't move too fast, people, just take it slow.
Don't get ahead, just jump into it.
Ya'll here a body, two pieces to it.
Get stutted, get stupid.
You'll want me body people will walk you through it.
Step by step, like you're into new kid.
Inch by inch with the new solution.
Trench men hits, with no delusion.
The feeling's irresistible and that's how we movin'.

[Chorus:]
Everybody, everybody, let's get into it.
Get stupid.
Get it started, get it started, get it started.
Let's get it started (ha), let's get it started in here.
Let's get it started (ha), let's get it started in here.
Let's get it started (ha), let's get it started in here.
Let's get it started (ha), let's get it started in here.
Yeah.

Runnin' runnin', and runnin' runnin', and runnin' runnin', and
runnin runnin' and...

C'mon y'all, lets get woohoo!
Lets get woohoo! (in here)
Lets get woohoo!
Lets get woohoo! (in here)
Lets get woohoo!
Lets get woohoo! (in here) Ow, ow, ow!
Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya,
ya...

Let's get ill, that's the deal.
At the gate, we'll bring the bud top drill. (Just)
Lose your mind this is the time,
Ya'll test this drill, Just and bang your spine. (Just)
Bob your head like me APL de, up inside your club or in your
Bentley.
Get messy, loud and sick.
Ya'll mount past slow mo in another head trip. (So)
Come then now do not correct it, let's get ignant let's get
hectic.

[Chorus:]
Everybody, everybody, let's get into it.
Get stupid. (Come on)
Get it started (come one), get it started (yeah), get it
started.
Let's get it started (ha), let's get it started in here.
Let's get it started (ha), let's get it started in here.
Let's get it started (ha), let's get it started in here.
Let's get it started (ha), let's get it started
(woah, woah, woah) in here.
Yeah.

Lets get woohoo!
Lets get woohoo! (in here)
Lets get woohoo!
Lets get woohoo! (in here)
Lets get woohoo!
Lets get woohoo! (in here) Ow, ow, ow!
Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya,
ya...

Runnin' runnin', and runnin' runnin', and runnin' runnin', and
runnin' runnin'
[fade]

Hotel California - EAGLES

Hotel California - EAGLES

On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night

There she stood in the doorway;
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself,
'This could be Heaven or this could be Hell'
Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor,
I thought I heard them say...

Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel California
Any time of year, you can find it here

Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, she got the Mercedes bends
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys, that she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat.
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget

So I called up the Captain,
'Please bring me my wine'
He said, 'We haven't had that spirit here since nineteen sixty
nine'
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say...

Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place
Such a lovely face
They livin' it up at the Hotel California
What a nice surprise, bring your alibis

Mirrors on the ceiling,
The pink champagne on ice
And she said 'We are all just prisoners here, of our own device'

And in the master's chambers,
They gathered for the feast
The stab it with their steely knives,
But they just can't kill the beast

Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
'Relax,' said the night man,
We are programmed to receive.
You can checkout any time you like,
but you can never leave!